| FAST FOOD |
  Telesys is one of the lesser known Atari 2600 game publishers of the early 1980's that made a handful of games and then dissappeared, probably during the crash. Anyway, Fast Food is a game I discovered via emulation, I think it's because I played Activision's Pressure Cooker earlier and was trying to find it in a pile of ROMs on my old 486 a million years ago.This game is not of much reknown, and I can see why. The cover has that lovely 80's vaporwave aesthetic only today's kids would like, the game subject matter is basically gross bodily humor, and the title sounds like a simulation of a resturant. Basically, in Fast Food, you are either the Rocky Horror Picture Show mouth or a pixelated pair of gums eating various foods that fly across the screen for high score. With each round you win, you get a message on screen saying "You're Getting Fatter". Eat too many purple Jellybeans....or are they eggplants....and you will get a message on screen that says "BURP!". Yeah....I think we know where I'm going to go with this one. ;) Great way to NOT get a Girlfriend - My Experiences So imagine this, you are sitting there with your bandmate and his girlfriend perusing 2600 ROMs on the internet in the early 2000's, and you discover this thinking you found what actually is Activision's "Pressure Cooker". This shows up - totally unexpected - you are a pair of gross looking, pixelated gums flying around screen, munching on an entire dive bar kitchen's worth of food while random jellybeans float across the screen, and if you eat enough of them, a message ono the screen saying BURP in blocky letters appears and a really funny noise comes from the emulator.....see, this was my introduction. And being the ever eternal kid I am, I enjoy body humor, and there's a LOT of it in there. Lots of it, and it's gross and hilarious. First off, the game itself, you're just a pair of what looks like pixelated, toothless gums on screen - and VERY well adnimated at that, to the point of uncanney valley effect almost. So how's Columbia's mouth wolfing down six hamburgers, 12 fries, five Ice Cream cones, enough Doritos to constitute a whole bag, and then on top of it, black licorice jellybeans and apple jellybeans? Actually, we know there's no Rocky Horror Reference, tell a girl she's getting "fatter" that sign would have said "SMACK!!!" with a big pixelated handprint on screen! Yeah, a good way to turn a lass into an impromptu Trebuchet. Honestly, if our protagonist has a gender, it's likely male - probably that huge guy at the bar that just wolfs down hamburgers and scots all night......gee, did Mark Knopfler play this before writing "Heavy Fuel" (go listen to that, great Dire Straights song)? But are those Jellybeans or Eggplants? Seriously, I wanna know. Never saw or read the manual. Me Playing This Game on YouTube You're Getting Fatter! - A Walkthrough |
