The game was designed by Ron Gilbert after his Why Adventure Games Suck document was created. Monkey Island would adopt many of these principles and it's one of the main reasons it's become one of the most timeless franchises (especially the first two MS-DOS games) because it was very nicely designed compared to the rampant comedy-of-errors-death-fest that competitor Sierra was well known for.

THe Secret of Monkey Island - in it's original form at least for MS-DOS - was released in three separate versions in general: the original EGA 1989 release that will work with EGA, CGA, Hercules, and other graphics modes prior to VGA, and then a VGA 1990 release that requires a VGA card or better to work. In 1992, the game was re-released using the Monkey Island 2 engine including a pictographic inventory, reduced verb options, and the iMUSE Music System added in. It was later reissued in the 2010's as a "Deluxe Edition" that allowed for the original graphics and a newer "verb coin" type interface with reimagined graphics. Honestly, I prefer the original MS-DOS graphics better. Gave it more of a Mel Brooks comedy movie feel, rather than a saturday morning cartoon feel.

If you're up for points, as if they are worth anything in this game, give the poster on the shiphouse a look "Elect Governor Marley - When there's only one Candidate there's only one Choice" - makes me wonder about the governer's election team, why even waste the money on propeganda and promotion when you're the only one running for governor, you're basically a shoe-in at that point. Anyway, all aesthetic observations aside, lets head to the right

After we walk past the moonlight ocean we will see a shadow of a building - this is the SCUMM BAR, as you most likely won't see if you're still playing this on a CRT monitor, especially one with a dim tube. Look for the door which is on the right side of the bar, open it, and walk in.

As we can see, this place is bustling with activity...of course we have a pirate couple, a guy sipping his grog, a dog, another guy with a big hat holding conversation, of course there's also the obligatory drunk pirate swinging on the chandelier, looks like a few guys playing cards, but let's talk to this guy on the lower left first.

The guy on the lower left will chastise you about your name only to find out he has an equally as ridiculous name. But he's a friendly guy, kind of like a Pirate Santa Claus. He'll also fill you in on some objectives including the governor, and the three guys in the next room who will help you complete your pirate fantasies.

Go look for a dude in brown at the table under the chandelier, once you start talking, he'll be snarky and kind of mean about it, but hey - if I had a slash through my eye, presumably from a "Contact Lens" accident, back in the high seas pirate world of the 1600's, I'd probably be cranky too (and asking what the heck a Contact Lens even is probably). Anyway, this man, obviously not a victim of a drinking and darts incident, will fill you in on the town gossip about hte governor and the ghost pirate LeChuck. Worth a listen if you're not speedrunning this thing.

Some other people worth spending some time to gab with includes the Dog who has his own take on LeChuck, and of course Cobb - the Lucasfilm Games sales pirate.....hey'll just say "Aye" a bunch of times until you ask him about Loom (link pending), which then he gets more excited than my wife about to take a month vacation in Germany to see a Nina Hagen concert!

From there, we'll move to the back room, where the "three important looking pirates" are sitting. Talk to these guys about the three trials. And they'll basically reveal you need to steal an idol from the governors mansion, treasure from the woods, and learn how to fight with a sword. Sounds pretty straightforward enough, except we don't have a shovel, sword, nor do we know where the governor's mansion is.

By now, you've probably seen the cookie - the big softie - wandering in and out of the kitchen. Wait for him to leave and then walk into the kitchen. I dunno if I'm 100% right, but I DO know that in my experience, hanging out by the Fireplace is the best way to get him out. Why? Maybe he peeks through the door boards to make sure nobody's trying to sneak in? Maybe he can sense you're looking and fire disrupt's his brain's WiFi? Whatever it is, that's a good way to wait. Once he wanders out and off-screen to the left, wander into the open door and Jolly Rodger's your uncle!

In the Kictchen, the name of the game here is Serial Kleptomania! Grab anything not nailed down - like a hunk of meat, a pot, stew the meat if you want for extra points, and then go out on the patio, and snag the fish.....but it's not simply that easy of course...this is, after all, a graphical adventure game from the early 90's.

To get the fish, you need to step on that loose board at the tip of the pier like you're Kirk Hammet on his Wah Wah during a guitar solo to flip that birdie in the air, and then - snag the fish. A real nasty trick - kinda' a cheat for this - is to wah-wah the board, press the spacebar, move your still active mouse cursor over the fish, then quickly press "P" for "Pick Up" and snag the fish!

After this, it's time to blow this joint, not much left to do here, wander out the door, and then......we get a nice little cut scene about LeChuck ranting about Amateurs to his skeleton buddy. Of course, I'm sure you have the brains to realize YOU are the "Amateur".

So, what do we do now that we're done in the SCUMM Bar? Well....there's a few things on our checklist to do: Find treasure, steal something from the governor's mansion, and learn how to use a sword properly. Well, okay....you can do them in any order - but since this is a website, we'll just do em' in the order I write them down in. I'm lazy like that.

So I usually start by moseying out of town, go west, young man (north actually), up the mountain, past Blinken the lookout (I call him Blinken after the blind dude from Robin Hood Men in Tights), and then you'll find yourself on the "Map Screen" - ie, MeLee Island's overhead drone. Anyway, where are we going to go? Look for a place kinda' in the middle of the crescent roll shaped area, pink lights I believe, just to left of a "clearing" and then go there. We're gonna' go get a job!

As you approach the clearing, you'll see a Circus Tent. Go inside. Don't be afraid, I don't think the fiscal budget for this production is big enough for any large exotic animals (and plus, Ron Gilbert had a "no dying policy" in his games at this point).

If you don't approach the circus tent, and instead end up on a dark screen with Yellow Flowers, grab them and leave because Guybrush is too fraidy-cat to go any further. Why this dude thinks there's lions, tigers, and bears somewhere the carribean is anyone's guess.

Once in the tent, you'll see two bozos still wearing their EGA Color pallet costumes - Bill and Alfredo - the Fettuchini Bros - the famous Flying Fettuchini Bros Circus. Anway these two morons will be bickering in the background. Just say anything and they'll run up to you faster than the worlds shadiest used car salesman seeing you eyeballing a Yugo! Ask them for a job, and then they will stop at some point inquiring about a helmet! Helmet? You don't have a helmet! Not even the the Alt-Metal band CD! But you do have something that WILL work as a helmet....it's big, it's silver, and great for making a Vichyssoise. If you have not guessed yet, it's the pot you snaggled from the SCUMM Bar. Just give the pot to your new temp employers, and perform your death defying act, say any funny thing you want, and get paid a nice chunk of change.

Okay, so now that we have this money, what do we do? What any red-blooded Carribean wage slave does in the tri-island Gig Economy - SPEND IT! So go back down to the town of MeLee, and pass by the scumm bar, and once you get to a "V" in the road, you'll see Jeff Bezos Ancestor on the street corner selling maps. Ask him for a map and if you say all the right thing's, he'll give one to you. If you want, you can also go talk to the men of Low Moral Fiber, and harass their Rat while you're at it.

There's also one door in the middle of the street you can go into. Once you walk in, if you have a sound card, ominous music will start, and don't fear whatsoever, you're just in the VooDoo Lady's house. YOu can choose to talk to her (or not), just make sure either way you pilfer the random Rubber Chicken (with a pulley in the middle).

Anyway, once you've nabbed the chicken, head out of VooDoo Lady's house and follow the cobblestones under the clock, you will then come out in a town that looks like something out of that new Castlevania Anime, there's a big long building, a Church (why?), and a jail (huh?). You also might "hear" some wacko babblin' at you from the alleyway between the church and the long building. Let's go address the commotion in the alley, seems like a great idea, right? Just follow random voices calling us from a dark alley in the middle of the night. However, you don't need to. Let's just say, whoever is back there, he's really "shiny".

The next place I'd say to go would be the Jail, there's some ratty guy who looks kind of like he's either a pirate or a lost member of a early 90's alt-metal band. He's got halitosis so Guybrush will refuse to listen to him. Maybe there's somewhere we can get breath mints (hint hint).

I usually then - assuming I hit up BOTH Clearings in the woods, decide to hit up the Governor's Mansion. But of course, the governor's smart, as they put a nice parade of "deadly" piranha poodles on one of those twisty stakes in the middle of the front lawn....and despite the fact Guybrush would probably have zero issues just wandering past without getting his ankles bitten, you have to do what you have to do anyway. Drug up the meat you got at the Scumm Bar with the yellow petal, and then throw it to them. After a brief PETA friendly message that the dogs are "Sleeping" - we can mosey on into the mansion like it's nobody's business.

Once inside the mansion...the fastest way to get "into trouble" is to just wander into the Guv'nuh's parlour...dining room...foyer!? Whatever lies beyond the Tudor style doorway....and then "let the good times roll (and let em' knock ya' around)". Of course, your shiny friend from the alleyway will roam on in, REno 911 style, and try to wreck your day. After a wild cacauphony of funny sounds from the PC and odd status line referneces...we'll be back out, but without some kind of Idol. American Idol? Billy Idol? Whatever idol it is, it needs a file.

So I guess now we have some literal business to handle over at the "long building", so leave the mansion, pass the jail and the church, and open the door. And in there is some knotty old dude who seems to have a former customer known for shoplifting and pica disorder. Anyway, just grab the sword over on some garage shelves next to his desk, then the shovel, and then inquire about the shovel, sword, breath mints, and then ask him to go find the Swordmaster.

WAIT...WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST STANDING THERE - FOLLOW HIM! Yeah, follow the shopkeeper as soon as he leaves, and keep tabs on him, he'll take you to a clearing in the woods. Snag the yellow petal now if you have not been following along and have not gotten into the governor's mansion yet (you can't without them). There's also a fun easter egg along the way. Once he fires up a clanky drawbridge, you're close. Of course, he's just a creepy old man who keeps harassing that poor lady. FEel free to talk to her (or not), and then go about your business.

By now, MeLee Island will start to look like it's finally got some life besides the oh, I dunno, 12 people we've seen so far. Just ignore the wanderers, feel free to talk to them, but there's nothing yet to do. Now let's go back to where the old geezer started our hike....

You did buy a map from old Phil Collins (saw the man there on the corner)? Well, what did he give you...I dunno...looks like DANCING LESSONS on how to "Do the Monkey" (MonkeyStyle (TM)). But fear not, for you have not been had my young padiwan Guybrush, for this is a map, just written in humorously bad shorthand. Just listen to the literal directions and you'll get the drift.

Once you "do the monkey" for awhile, you should pop up on a walkway that's a little darker, with a bunch of red flowers, and at the end, is a marker (That looks more some kind of computer kiosk to me), and use your shovel on the X, and of course, you will get the greatest treasure of all man kind, something greater than entering level heaven in the backrooms or solving the lore of Five Nights at Freddy's (TM), yes, it's a......it's a.....t-shirt

Anyway, once you have the T-shirt, you can go brag to the pirate leaders (or not). The next easiest thing we can get is the idol of many hands from the governnor. Head back into town, to the jail and give a breath mint to the prisoner. He'll reveal his name is Otis and that he'll give you *something* if you give HIM something to get rid of the rats. Well...we don't have anything to get rid of rats, but we DO have repellent - GOPHER repellant.....it could work, so give it to him, and he'll give you a cake. Remember those old movies with the prisoner who gets a cake in prison? Well, the 1600s were well before metal detectors, and this place is not well staffed either (there's no warden), so open the cake, and you have a file.

Go back to the mansion, and well, the door is locked. That's okay, we have a way to literally jump into the action - that goofey hole in the wall (which looks like some kind of cartoon alien).

After some more of Michael Land letting his cats run around his Yamaha DX7 for awhile, you'll get a nice destructive exit, argue with Bald-O (Fester Shinetop) over there, and then of course.......(sexy sappy music plays)....out walks the drop dead hot governor, Governor Marley, ELAINE Marley. And of course, with all the suave and finesse of a 16 year old sharing a shower with Kelly LeBrock, but with the shivering of Charles Nelson Riley stuck in a meat locker...you make a ..ahem... Wonderful impression (I guess?!?). So now it's time to leave - UH OH!

So of course, Butterball Turkey Head decides to kick you off the docks of MeLee. You have 10 minutes, otherwise, all you're going to be able to do is bloat, float, and call 1-800 Jedi (and then end up in a interrogation with Mickey Mouse because LucasFilm sold out to Disney years ago). The easiest way out is grab the idol, Guybrush will snag the sword (Which I assume to be his anyway), and then of course, we get a nice sappy love scene between Guybrush and Elaine, we know someone whose gettin' lucky tonight! Time to get crackin' on those three trials my boy!

So now, all that should be left is swordfighting. You can brag about your conquest with the three important looking pirates, or not ((the crowd moans)), and head out to fulfill the last piece of our destiny....

So now, get back out on the map, and head to the southeast peninsula of the island. But hold it, HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLD IT!

So here we have a troll (whose cousin must be the Afrin nasal spray guy). Well, he wants something from you, that's important, but of little consequence - are we on a episode of Jeopardy Alex Trebec? What is a Red Herring? Well...do we have one? Well, yes we do. Remember that fish that you purloined at the bar outside the back door earlier (a major health code violation if you ask me)? YEah, just give that to the troll, and he'll let you go, and then enjoy finding out that he's not exactly who you think he is, but he's EXACTLY who you think he is (beard, side part, had a ranch in California named after a space guy).

Now, continue your track - NO NO NO NO NO - not to the lights, to the very lower eastmost peninsula of Melee. We'll go to a house, where we'll knock on a door and interrupt Henry Rollins from his rigorous fitness regimen. And of course, he will argue with us, looking like the lost lead singer of Baltimore's own Bootcamp band (I always assumed Guybrush was a bass guitarist) is not exactly the best way to gain favor with punk rock royalty. Anywho, once you argue enough, give him some money, he'll give you a surprisingly decent (if somewhat humorous) introductory course.....say, BTW, is Guybrush high on the spectrum by any chance? Anyway, Rollins will just shut you out of his home and tell you get crackin' on that wit.

Now, remember all these random strangers that keep stopping you and asking you why you stopped them? You know, the most piratey looking pirates in this entire game? Yeah, time to engage....and time to talk some strategy on how to rack up those insults and comebacks FAST!!!

So usually, for the first two to four rounds, I'll throw the two insults Captain James T. Smirk (aka. Henry Rollins) gave you just to verify comebacks and encourage the other guys to start blurting out more insults. AS you accumulate insults, USE EM! And then note them down....but for those too lazy to note down the insults - I have provided this handy dandy guide...

Once you have all of these, you are more than well equipped to fight Carla the Swordmaster. So now, you will want to mosey straight over to her house, and start some shit. That said, things are a little different here because some insults work with 2 comebacks.

And just like that, we're scannin' for cri...er....were a mighty pirate! Anyway, once you return to the docks of MeLee you'll see a ghost ship go off in the distance, and Blinken will tell you to go rescue the governor - because you got "love" written all over your face. But you'll need a ship and crew...hmm....if you want the fast and revealing method...look no further, want some adventure...look around awhile for some context if you get my drift.

Head back to the SCUMM Bar (TM) and you'll find that the whole place has evacuated like pool guy's bowels. Anyway, talk to the cookie if you want, or just go around pilfering mugs and go into the kitchen....but before you even FILL that first mug with the Grog from the keg, let's talk strategy...

So, these mugs are made of pewter, and grog eats the mugs up like mad crazy. So for EVERY screen transition, you will need to move your grog to another mug before it changes to the name of "Pewter Wad" - once it hit's "Pewter Wad" status, you're going to have to start over. Here's my method.

1. First mug change is exiting the scumm bar
2. Next mug change is as you walk past Bull's street corner
3. Next mug change is as soon as you are next to the store
4. Final mug change is when you get to Otis' Jail Cell
5. Use that puppy on the lock and it'll melt it open

Well, that worked great huh? Ask him to be on your crew if you can, and then Otis will run off. Oh well.

The So let's see, shopkeeper is too old, men of low moral fiber say no, Captain Smirk is no longer taking customers, Stan has a shop to tend to (more on him later), Troll George Lucas is gone, but there's Carla....

So ask Carla, you'll show her the note automatically. That's two out of three people you need for a basic, short crew.

So who else? Where have we not gone yet? Well, there is a tiny island on the northeastern corner of MeLee Island, so go there.

Once here, you'll see a ladder up to a plank, with a rope or wire running across the sea that separates you and teh house on the other side. If you've been exploring and been here already, you know what to do, if not, well. You need something to get across that rope - in one of the most clever yet asinine puzzles ever - you need a pulley, as in, the pulley in that Rubber Chicken (with a Pully in the middle) - yes, we now know what this ridiculous inventory item is actually for. Use it with the cable, and ride on over to Meathook Isle.

Once you walk inside up will walk another guy who if I continue to make bald jokes in this game, I'm probably going to have a bunch of very angry (and potentially very rich) people banging down my door to scalp me. But yeah, here's Guybrush's turn to ask who floor polishes his crown every morning. I dunno how Guybrush's mean streak got kicked in before this part but he makes my evil commentary about Fester sound like a baby. Anyway, talk to him and he'll reveal what a softie he is. The thing that ate his hands off years ago was a teensy weensy little parrot. Ask him about his Tattoo too, well worth it. Anyway, he'll join your crew. That's 3/3 - now time to solve our boat problem.

Apparently, buying boats as a pirate is kind of like buying a used car. What you'll want to do is head to the "lights" - aka "Stan's Previously Owned Vessels". Stan is like if Cal Worthington and a middle aged Laurence Monoson had a baby and peed on it, and gave it a steady diet of caffinated soda and sugar it's entire life and somehow it did not get diabetes despite it's terrible diet. Anyway, Stan will flail his arms and show you every boat on the lot, from a really nice one, all the way to that jalopy way way up in the back.

The one we (wink wink) **Want** - is the one way in the back (the only one we can afford). But what, you thought you could get that great barnacle ridden shipwreck for 400-something pieces of eight, LOL. No, like I said, this is like buying a car. You need a note of credit - a loan - and where are you going to get it? Think McFly, Think! The Shopkeeper of course, probably the only person in this whole island that has money.

So go back to the shopkeeper shop, inquire about a note of credit, and then watch the safe - which is about as secure as Windows 95 with a fileshare full of uncashed checks! Note the positions of the lever and directions, and then tell him to go find Carla again.

While he's gone - time for more of my tricks - S = one way, Y = the other. Just point the cursor to the handle, and use S and Y + enter to get the right directions. It changes every time so I can't show you here. If you are successful, the door will open. Of course, I'm sure Zoomers could just film it on their cell phone and play it back and learn it for that round of the game.

Once you have the note of credit, go back to Stan's, and HAGGLE! go back and fourth, rejecting EVERY option possible, and asking how much he think's it's worth, then making an offer, continue this until the price is low enough he'll take $3000 pieces of eight. It might take some tries but there's pretty much ZERO way to fail this one. He'll consider your offer, and then meet you with the ship at the docks of MeLee, then your crew comes, and they are none too happy either with your purchase....uh-oh...

The easiest way to complete this level - if you just want a minor hint - again, Serial Kleptomania, and playing with the soup in the kitchen like you're a kid making a pretend cake using everything but the kitchen sink.

So the first thing to do is go digging around in the Captain's Chambers. IIRC, the game hints this to you by Guybrush wandering in there.