| TECH BROS I Seriously Fucking Hate These Stunted, Wannabe Alpha, Morons |
Hi, I'm William Bill Steve Johnson, and I'm a Tech Bro. I made $512,000 a year in my financially lucrative but legally questionable "Tech Company" that tells you to believe that the future is in technology, while we tell you how to use your techology with the illusion of choice, the Bananasoft Republic way! Enjoy our new browser, "Shine", based on an open source project we violated many levels of the DMCA and GPL, while pretending to give $1,000,000,000 a year to PETA and the Coalition for Gun Control - while smiting those "competitors" by threatening non-profits with our jackass lawyers who used to be working with Donald Trump to "Make America Great Again"! Here, have a red hat! NO, Not THAT kind of Red Hat (Linux), use our new operating system, Bananasoft Orfice! Programmed by the finest team of exploited VISA workers and the drunkest and most stoned Q.A. team this side of a circa 1983 Atari bathroom hot-tub party! BTW, use our new computer, the Bananasoft Convertible Panel! Or our new game "Space Men from Outer Space Doing Military THings!". What? YOu don't like space games - well, we have a game from a 15 year old fledgling programmer we stole the IP For last week, it's called Five Nights at Drunken Minors! C'mon, click that "how bout dat" button! Coz I'm a tech bro! C'mon man, aint Baby Yoda Cute!?!? Like the curl at the front of my hairstyle? C'mon, I fucked your mom yesterday! C'mon, I'm on the Grind to Make it Happen Mindset! That's why you're driving a Shitty Honda, and I have 20 Bugattis and a 90 foot Yacht with the finest hoes human traffiking can provide this side of Epstien's private island! Hey, wait, come back, if you play your video games and drink your flouride, and show us your papers and product key? Maybe we'll give you an amazing deal of 0.25% off retail price...no seriously.....
Ah yes...the great American Tech Bro, a football jock in a hoodie with a vape pen and the kind of contempt of a bullied schoolkid who never grew. Sure, maybe he COULD program, once upon a time, more likely he just roped his "socially inept friend" into it, and exploited his work as his own (does a tale of Two Steves ever make sense). Actually, why the fuck are all these guys named Steve, Bill, William, or Mark? And why can't they take a clue from everybody's friend from Myspace, and fucking retire, and stop turning their companies into the digital Auschwicz with keyboards and touch screens!?!? Seriously./ I'm writing this while trying to file my fucking income taxes at Tax Act. Every year, it's a fucking ordeal, and I'm starting to think that recovering my account with numerous codes that never arrive, contacting a non-responsive "support" team that has less support than a sports bra made out of spaghetti, and then resetting my password and putting it in correctly with "An Error Has Occured" makes me want to reach over there and slap someone around! Seriously, Technology in America, needs a bloody overhaul! And I blame these "tech bros" - I totally regret my choices in my early 20's to be one of those douchey "geeks" who tried to make tech "Cool", because guess what, for every CreepingNet, there's 500 fucktards with a gold chain thinking they're god's gift to technology, when they can't even sit through an entire README.TXT on how to fix their bootloader using a command line! And most of these dipshits assume everyone is "in" on their inner thought process - uh - we're not. Some of these guys have shittier social skills than me, and considering the fact everyone thinks I have A.S.D., that's really saying something! |
